hummingbird in flight to obtain nectar from a tall purple flowering plant

Coping with Loss and
Moving Forward with Grief

The hummingbird shows us how to revisit the past for the purpose of releasing it instead of being caught in a permanently backward flight pattern. It also helps us to see that if we step aside we may see our life differently

Constance Barrett Sohodski

What are emotional reactions to a loss or a shift in expectations?

  Common concerns…

  •  Are you shocked by or unable to believe a new diagnosis(es) or change in prognosis? Does the appearance of being healthy at the moment influence your reaction and make you struggle to accept the shift in expectations? 

  • Do you feel angry at the world, guilty or sad about the potential causes of the loss of previous expectations, scared about difficult medical procedures now required and/or nostalgic about life before you learned about the medical diagnosis?

  • Do you have anxiety about your expectations for the future because treatments that were meant to improve the condition have failed, created challenging side effects, and/or led to a reduction in quality of life?

  • Does it “hit you harder than expected” or does the sadness linger longer after you’ve learned that another person with a similar condition has experienced unexpected complications or has passed away?

  • Are you struggling with the loss of typical expectations, focusing on death or dying even before facing any kind of loss, and/or having difficulty facing the new challenges of a medical condition?

  • Are you yearning for the past before you experienced loss or when everything was simpler?

  •  Are you bracing yourself for another unexpected loss and limited control over the outcome even when the situation is different?

  • Do you feel uncomfortable talking about your loss with others because they may not understand, might minimize the loss or invalidate your feelings?

How can therapy help me?

Therapy can help...

  • Provide emotional support while you process difficult feelings, such as sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety and numbness, that can develop when a loss changes your expectations for the future

  • Improve your understanding of common reactions to life-threatening medical conditions or complex treatments, such as anticipatory grief and vicarious loss, that can occur in advance of expected lifestyle changes or losses

  • Process shifts in identity and reduce shame and confusion that can be associated with loss

  • Provide tools for carrying your grief while adapting to new routines and connecting with new meaning

  • Identify coping strategies for developing resilience and the ability to manage unexpected or unclear future losses

It can be tempting to keep difficult grief and loss related feelings to yourself if you are uncertain whether anyone will truly understand your point of view.

One aim of therapy is to reduce the sense of isolation connected to experiencing strong, valid and overwhelming emotions in response to a medical condition or a loss. Another focus is to help you feel more empowered to cope with difficult feelings over time. 

Please reach out to set up a free 15 minute consultation if you find yourself in need of empathic support.  

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Consultation

Dr. Erin Armer, PhD (PSY31832) is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional (PMH-C) at Brightways Psychology in Palo Alto, California. Virtual therapy is available statewide across California.